Ever since I can remember, my father has joked that he wanted his gravestone to say “Return to Sender”. He uses this phrase as a play on the Postal term, alluding to our return home to the LORD Jesus. As Christians we often think of returning Home, and leaving this world behind, and I'm glad my dad has a comical outlook, and is able to see death as something good.
This has brought a great deal of laughter, and created lots memories for my family. Looking back, I realized we had neglected to come up with something clever for mom. My intentions here are not to be morbid, and I'm not expecting my parents to die anytime soon, Christians just think a little differently about death as I mentioned earlier. What I did want to do was find a unique and funny way to describe the woman who has brought so much joy and, quite frankly, adventure to our family. I had to give this a great deal of thought, don’t laugh! This is serious!! If it’s going to be on her gravestone it needs to be GOOD!
In 5th Place - “Death, It’s the Real Thing”
This will take a little more brain power on the part of the visitor, as it is a play on the CocaCola slogan, “The Real Thing”. If we were asked to name my mom’s favorite soda, hand’s down it’s Coke! The preference may have migrated slightly to CokeZero, but the flavor of Coke is still the one she seeks.
In 4th Place - “I Hope You Brought Chocolate”
It is a truth universally acknowledged that women like chocolate. My mom is no exception to this truth, though she takes exception to anything but Dark Chocolate. I remember wrapping a milk chocolate Hershey miniature in “Special Dark” wrapping, saw the look on her face when she bit into it, and never did that again!
In 3rd Place - “That Looks Like a Buick”
Mom has always hated the plain looking cars these automobile makers turn out year after year. Indeed, they all resemble one another to such a degree that it would seem all car manufacturers purchased the shell from Buick! She has become so accustomed to saying this that when a car commercial came on a few months ago she spoke those very words; I then had to gently inform her that it was in fact a Buick commercial we were watching.
In 2nd Place - “I Hate Game Shows”
Rather self-explanatory I think, she’s never liked Game Shows, I’m right there with her too! If you need more explanation, read the book of Ecclesiastes and substitute “Game Show” everywhere you see the word “Vanity” or “Chasing after the wind”, you’ll get the idea.
In 1st Place - “We Got This Stone on Clearance”
She LOVES clearance shopping. The feeling that you just snagged a great deal is a great feeling! Thankfully, her shopping skills were passed on to, well, Angela at least. The gravestone itself will have to be on clearance! I don’t believe she would let us buy it otherwise.
My parents are in great health, and I don't expect we'll need these words any time soon. Honestly, I loathe the day my parents pass from this world, knowing the pain of loss will be great. I feel like these words will be a suave on the wound. They won’t heal, but they will remind us of the great parents that were hand-picked by God.
